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Jealously Possessiveness etc

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Paladin
(@paladin)
Posts: 7
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Topic starter
 

How as a new nudist can you get over these things. As a Uk guy well many guys in fact are hard wired that its wrong or not acceptable for another guy to see your gf wife whatever naked. Yes you will say what the hell is tjis guy doing here!  Well i have tried naturism and like it.....the place we go is idyllic. ..a haven of forest and lake birds and water and the wonderful sun....for the most part...as its clothing optional. Therein for me lies the problem. Im happy when all around me are signed up to the same ideal. However a few times guy have cone along and oggled fully clothed with their sunglasses in the prentence of dog walking or some such. It enrages me....as they are obviously just leering and sexualising the women and maybe me who knows. HOW do folk cope with this kind of thing?

Let the sun shine.

 
Posted : September 21, 2016 10:05 am
johnrw
(@johnrw)
Posts: 150
Estimable Member
 

Paladin,

I appreciate that it is unpleasant but do you really want to be involved in a confrontation?

In a different post I think you said you have a girlfriend. I would take the lead from her to some extent. If she can cope with the leering and is not put off naturism then you're a lucky guy. Look after her! Enjoy your naked life together.

John

 
Posted : September 21, 2016 10:32 am
Paladin
(@paladin)
Posts: 7
Active Member
Topic starter
 

Thanks we will. She is Austrian so nothing phases her.....although she didn't come out of the lake until said dog walkers had left as didn't want them ogling her....So thanks for your words....but i think there are times when its hard to ignore the vouyer community. Thankfully its quite rare as you need walk a good 20 mins to get to our lake. As for the confrontation. ..well if it was required and they had overstepped the mark yes...If need be. A german guy actually shooed them away more or less...it worked.

Let the sun shine.

 
Posted : September 21, 2016 11:50 am
sign-in-here-uk
(@tja)
Posts: 361
Reputable Member
 

How as a new nudist can you get over these things. As a Uk guy well many guys in fact are hard wired that its wrong or not acceptable for another guy to see your gf wife whatever naked. Yes you will say what the hell is tjis guy doing here!  Well i have tried naturism and like it.....the place we go is idyllic. ..a haven of forest and lake birds and water and the wonderful sun....for the most part...as its clothing optional. Therein for me lies the problem. Im happy when all around me are signed up to the same ideal. However a few times guy have cone along and oggled fully clothed with their sunglasses in the prentence of dog walking or some such. It enrages me....as they are obviously just leering and sexualising the women and maybe me who knows. HOW do folk cope with this kind of thing?

As I see it, and without wishing to sound rude, you are the problem. I know that sounds grrrrrrrr but I think it is important for you as a NEW nudist to accept life is imperfect.
Let me explain. Naturism is for your benefit and enjoyment. You have to accept that people who come for looki-loo at C/O venues and beaches exist and are a part of it. At the end of the day if you cannot accept this part of it then perhaps it isn't for you or you should find a landed club with secure grounds.
I've seen couples where the guy will shoo away anybody who he doesn't think is good enough to look at his partner, so when a 'hung' stud with a 6-pack shows up he is allowed to speak to her (or more).
At the end of the day everybody is different but the fact you are more worried of voyeurs than relaxing nd enjoying your freedom will spoil the whole thing in the long run.
You can always tell who are experienced naturists (if you get my meaning) as they act and behave no differently towards anything they do, just that they are doing it naked. I'd like to think I was in that place too but I would guess I'm only 85% of the way there. I will often have a silent negotiation in my head before I do something, usually as I worry somebody might misinterpret what I was aiming to do. e.g. I went to go for a wonder on a nude beach but paused and waited for a small group to pass and be far enough away that it didn't look like was trying to intercept them. Stupid I know but I did it, my brain telling a part of me it was for the best. BUT... it's overthinking it and, in my opinion, over thinking is the route to spoiling what is a great activity.

As an aside though, feel free to give grief to anybody who you think over-steps the mark! Just be polite and friendly but make them feel embarrassed for their behavior, it might make THEM over-think in the future not to upset you?

Happy trails and enjoy the 'corner'.

Tony (2)

Play nice...... Play Naked!

 
Posted : September 21, 2016 1:32 pm
(@redivivus)
Posts: 383
Reputable Member
 

Jealousy is in the mind of the beholder - who is not a holder.

Occasionally I am reminded that MJ had a life before me - and a deep animal part simmers and wants to hurt anyone who ever hurt her or looked at her or was looked at by her.  At which point my less animal parts remind me that I had a life before MJ and was hurt and looked at and did some looking myself.  For that matter, we looked at one another before we were an us.

What counts - I am hers and she is mine, and people who look at her haven't a look in.  Feel sorry for them.

Which does not excuse the lurid leerers.

 
Posted : September 21, 2016 2:26 pm
(@sisco)
Posts: 18
Active Member
 

I am always confused by this... Just because I am in a relationship (married for 23 years) doesn't mean that I don't find other women, lots of them, attractive. I look and often comment if there is one that i see. It doesn't mean that I am going to run off with her (although now Angelina is back on the market....)
Likewise I married Mrs S because amongst other things I found her deeply attractive (or whatever term you choose to use). I know that others did/do too... surely that validates my choice. If she suddenly became invisible to other men then surely it would be because she had become unattractive, not because of some strange sixth sense amongst men that she is 'off the market'. I am not particularly unusual amongst chaps, if I still find women attractive then I have to assume others do too, if they would have found her attractive before. then the fact that either they or she is in a relationship doesn't magically switch that off.
I am proud when other men, or women, look at her. I can smugly think to myself 'she chose me' (never did quite get why mind you). Nobody buy's a Ferrari and then shouts at people not to look at it, you buy it to garner attention.
I always feel that a fear of your partner being looked at or even ogled to some extent is a measure of your insecurity more than anything else...OK some meerkats step over the mark and have to be dealt with, but on the whole if someone wants to look at Mrs S I say go ahead, look on and try not to be dazzled by my smug expression.

 
Posted : September 23, 2016 6:02 am
happytogether
(@happytogether)
Posts: 40
Member
 

I'm wondering how I'm going to cope with this as well when we try it for real. We have never been naked before but fancy trying it so we are booked to stay in a house run by a naturist couple in a couple of months to see how we get on and to have a gentle first try. 🙂

Be Happy Be Free 🙂

 
Posted : September 23, 2016 7:30 am
sign-in-here-uk
(@tja)
Posts: 361
Reputable Member
 

Nobody buy's a Ferrari and then shouts at people not to look at it, you buy it to garner attention.

No, but many keep them locked in the garage so as not to get ruined...... lol

It was actually an excellent analogy!

Tony (2)

Play nice...... Play Naked!

 
Posted : September 23, 2016 12:19 pm
Kitkat
(@kitkat)
Posts: 47
Eminent Member
 

I am always confused by this... Just because I am in a relationship (married for 23 years) doesn't mean that I don't find other women, lots of them, attractive. I look and often comment if there is one that i see. It doesn't mean that I am going to run off with her (although now Angelina is back on the market....)
Likewise I married Mrs S because amongst other things I found her deeply attractive (or whatever term you choose to use). I know that others did/do too... surely that validates my choice. If she suddenly became invisible to other men then surely it would be because she had become unattractive, not because of some strange sixth sense amongst men that she is 'off the market'. I am not particularly unusual amongst chaps, if I still find women attractive then I have to assume others do too, if they would have found her attractive before. then the fact that either they or she is in a relationship doesn't magically switch that off.
I am proud when other men, or women, look at her. I can smugly think to myself 'she chose me' (never did quite get why mind you). Nobody buy's a Ferrari and then shouts at people not to look at it, you buy it to garner attention.
I always feel that a fear of your partner being looked at or even ogled to some extent is a measure of your insecurity more than anything else...OK some meerkats step over the mark and have to be dealt with, but on the whole if someone wants to look at Mrs S I say go ahead, look on and try not to be dazzled by my smug expression.

100 % agree

KK 😉

Manners maketh man, not the way he spells it.

 
Posted : September 23, 2016 12:42 pm
Simon1967
(@vimfuego)
Posts: 300
Reputable Member
 

I am always confused by this... Just because I am in a relationship (married for 23 years) doesn't mean that I don't find other women, lots of them, attractive. I look and often comment if there is one that i see. It doesn't mean that I am going to run off with her (although now Angelina is back on the market....)
Likewise I married Mrs S because amongst other things I found her deeply attractive (or whatever term you choose to use). I know that others did/do too... surely that validates my choice. If she suddenly became invisible to other men then surely it would be because she had become unattractive, not because of some strange sixth sense amongst men that she is 'off the market'. I am not particularly unusual amongst chaps, if I still find women attractive then I have to assume others do too, if they would have found her attractive before. then the fact that either they or she is in a relationship doesn't magically switch that off.
I am proud when other men, or women, look at her. I can smugly think to myself 'she chose me' (never did quite get why mind you). Nobody buy's a Ferrari and then shouts at people not to look at it, you buy it to garner attention.
I always feel that a fear of your partner being looked at or even ogled to some extent is a measure of your insecurity more than anything else...OK some meerkats step over the mark and have to be dealt with, but on the whole if someone wants to look at Mrs S I say go ahead, look on and try not to be dazzled by my smug expression.

Your choice in partner does not need validating.

A former partner of mine loved the beach and nudity at home and knew all about my lifestyle before we were together.
She loved it.
We enjoyed ourselves and were not bothered by others looking etc.

But then after some years she would comment on males, tv, film, popstars etc quite lewd comments and I took them in jest, but if I were to mention a female was looking good for her age i was subjected to nasty , vicious, attacks of insecurity.
Then it started about naturism, once she had been enjoying it next "you're all up to something"
I could not talk to women or risk more insecurity and other women were not to see me naked as that was just for her and it really got to her that so many had seen my penis.

Sometimes people can be incredibly irrational.
While the original poster's anxiety is understandable, if thought about in a rational and non judgemental manner it will be so much easier.

I'm not sure if that made sense?

 
Posted : September 23, 2016 3:01 pm
(@sisco)
Posts: 18
Active Member
 

Simon, you take the word too literally, it simply means that if loads of blokes find my wife attractive then it shows that I have an attractive wife... The thrust of the point was that if she was attractive when I met her then that doesn't stop just because we are together.

Generally....A couple more  points on this... Mrs S is pretty bright too, lots of chaps enjoy talking to her because you can have an intelligent discussion, even argue about stuff in a friendly way. The logical extension of the looking thing would be that I wouldn't like people talking to her, admiring her mind...what's the difference?
Also, I quite like to encourage her to show off, tight Tshirts, no bra, skimpy outfits etc... Personally I love the fact that men look and appreciate, and let's be honest so does she, it makes her feel good. That gives her confidence and makes her determined to keep looking good which is important for her.. And it's a win for me too.  It's a question of trust and self confidence, if you trust your partner (because as Simon rightly points out this happens the other way round too, I wonder if the menopause has an impact when women suddenly change their views like this...it's amazing the effect it can have) then why be jealous, be confident that she won't run off with some random bloke and revel in the attention.

 
Posted : September 24, 2016 8:10 am
Simon1967
(@vimfuego)
Posts: 300
Reputable Member
 

Simon, you take the word too literally, it simply means that if loads of blokes find my wife attractive then it shows that I have an attractive wife... The thrust of the point was that if she was attractive when I met her then that doesn't stop just because we are together.

Generally....A couple more  points on this... Mrs S is pretty bright too, lots of chaps enjoy talking to her because you can have an intelligent discussion, even argue about stuff in a friendly way. The logical extension of the looking thing would be that I wouldn't like people talking to her, admiring her mind...what's the difference?
Also, I quite like to encourage her to show off, tight Tshirts, no bra, skimpy outfits etc... Personally I love the fact that men look and appreciate, and let's be honest so does she, it makes her feel good. That gives her confidence and makes her determined to keep looking good which is important for her.. And it's a win for me too.  It's a question of trust and self confidence, if you trust your partner (because as Simon rightly points out this happens the other way round too, I wonder if the menopause has an impact when women suddenly change their views like this...it's amazing the effect it can have) then why be jealous, be confident that she won't run off with some random bloke and revel in the attention.

Maybe confirmation of your good taste/choice etc may have been a better way of putting it?
But I appreciate comments written down do not convey the manner in which they are meant.

Yes being confident and feeling secure in a relationship makes all the difference.
Any insecurities that are not dealt with in a logical manner can only damage a relationship in my experience.

 
Posted : September 24, 2016 1:53 pm
Paladin
(@paladin)
Posts: 7
Active Member
Topic starter
 

To be honest i agree that i have a pretty wonderful looking gf ..and utterly understand that folk will look at her naked and i can see why...what im saying is its not that nice to have to fully clothed blokes with sun glasses set up camp very obviously at the bottom of her towel then sit there blatantly looking at her vagina ...thats what im saying not random fellow or woman glancing over and appreciating. .or not...the nice view....its fine....but pervy gawking leering vouyers pee me off...and why shouldn't they....its utterly different to the usual and human reaction that come from fellow naturists. ..nudists whatever....please dont judge me saying its all my insecurities. ...its bloody not actually....its i font want my relaxing. ...wonderful trip to a beautiful natural lake to spend time with my gf ruined by this overtly sexual attention...one even had his hand down his shorts....come on...thats just not on...

Let the sun shine.

 
Posted : September 24, 2016 4:38 pm
(@redivivus)
Posts: 383
Reputable Member
 

Quite - boors is boors and getting beat up does not prove you paranoid.

 
Posted : September 24, 2016 4:43 pm
johnrw
(@johnrw)
Posts: 150
Estimable Member
 

...one even had his hand down his shorts....come on...thats just not on...

Photograph/video them and report them to the authorities.

If the same guy keeps appearing on separate days then report him for stalking.

John

 
Posted : September 24, 2016 6:59 pm
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