Great little story Peter . It's quite incredible what some people expect you to do . I've dealt with some awkward customers in my time but she takes the biscuit.

Love it
Enjoyed that
There really are some idiots around !!
Some people ......
Sounds like a great job

Cheers
Simon & Dee

excellent!

Great Peter.  As an ex-hotel manager I can assure you that I have come across many of those types during my working life.  At the time I thought I should have written a book but never got round to it I'm afraid.

I've always enjoyed your beach stories Peter so I'm glad you're sharing them here  8)

Come back Basil Fawlty - all is forgiven.  😀

The Tax Inspector.

We all know of the economic crisis in Greece, it's been publicised for the last couple of years or more, although thankfully, it seems to be improving slightly.  Part of the problem, from what I understand, was the Greek tendency to provide services and/or do jobs without providing a receipt, hence the government was missing out on the tax revenue.  There has been a recent crackdown on this practice and tax inspectors turn up periodically to do spot checks on businesses etc.  The beach and the sunbed rentals are not exempt from this and I am expected to provide a receipt for each rental. (95% of the time I do although I must be honest, if I have none on me I say I will bring one down and sometimes it completely slips my mind – not deliberately of course – a genuine mistake.)

The other week, two people sat on my beds and I could tell by the way they were dressed they were not your normal run of the mill tourists.  They had to be either tax inspectors or police looking to catch those men and women “of African origin” who sell things illegally on the beach – handbags, shopping bags, sunglasses, sarongs watches and a myriad of other goods, none of which they pay tax on nor have a licence to sell.  I know this is a problem not only confined to my particular stretch of beach but happens all over Europe.

I sauntered over to the beds where the two were sat, wished them a good day and then asked for the sunbed rental price.

“Twelve euros please,” I told them, making a note of where they were sat on my log.

One of them produced a wallet and opened it to show me his I/D card.  A tax inspector! “We are checking that receipts are being given on the beach, for the sunbeds, food, drinks etc.” He said, not offering any money.

“I always give a receipt for the beds,” I responded, “and as soon as you pay me the twelve euros, I will give you one too.  As for food and drink, I know my lads give receipts as they have to pay for the things as they obtain them from the bar or restaurant.”

“We don't pay!” the second one told me, “we are working.” 

'Oh!' I thought, we have a real jobsworth here.'  I gave him my most polite smile.  “So am I,” I told him. “And if you don't pay, sorry guys, you don't sit.  I want twelve euros from you please if you are using my beds otherwise you are stopping me from earning and thus preventing the government from getting the revenue from the tax I pay on the beds.” 

It was a standoff, but he knew I was in the right.  My beds, my rules.  He reluctantly delved into his pocket and produced the required fee, mostly in 20 and 50 cent coins with a few one and two euros amongst the change. I duly gave him a receipt which he scrutinised carefully. Checking the amount, time and date of issue and the receipt number. Looking for something, anything he could get me on.  “How many beds have you rented today?”  He asked, still looking at the receipt. 

I checked the log, “Fifty two,” I replied.  He held out his hand to check the log for himself whilst his partner stood up and walked around the beach – I think counting the occupied beds.  He returned a few minutes later and spoke to his partner who was busy counting the occupied spaces I had marked on it.

“Peninda theo” (52) He said to his partner who was still scrutinising the receipt and my log.  I pointed out to him the receipt number on his where it clearly showed number 52.

“You are aware anyone can ask to see a receipt for purchases and if one cannot be produced it is against the law?” One of them said trying to intimidate me.

I shrugged.  A Gallic shrug.  “I can't be held responsible for people losing a receipt.  As long as I give one, and the number I give corresponds with the number of beds rented, my job is being done properly.” (I was a civil servant in a previous life and have dealt with officious little sods like these two many times before.)

He passed back my log and sat back on his bed watching my every move.  A few more people came to occupy the beds and they watched, making sure I marked down the number of the beds on the log and offered a receipt which of course I did.-

I was walking up and down a short while later – doing my job – checking beds, occupancy, newcomers, people jumping from one set of beds to another nearer the water's edge and all the other things necessary for me to do the work properly, when I noticed one of our African sunglasses vendors crouched down by the tax man's chair.  A few minutes later, a ten euro note was passed over and the African went off, leaving tax man number two with a new pair of sunglasses on the end on his nose.  I continued doing my rounds and eventually got back to the tax men who once more called me across, insisting I showed them the log again and the next receipt number. (As if knowing they were sat on the beach I would be stupid enough not to give out receipts properly!)  He looked disappointed when everything tallied again and handed back my log with a “Harumph!”

I stood there looking at them.  “Is that all?” I asked, looking him directly in the eyes.  “Can I get on with my job now?” 

Tax man two nodded and lay back on the lounger, enjoying the sunshine, his eyes safely shielded from the rays in his new fake designer sunglasses.  I walked off before turning, Columbo style, “Oh by the way,” I said.  “May I see your receipt for the sunglasses you just purchased from the illegal African?  You did tell me anyone could ask to see receipts and if one couldn't be produced it's against the law.”

'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.'

If looks could kill, friends here on NC would be holding a requiem for me today.  The tax inspectors stood up and with another grunt, stomped across the beach, muttering to each other with arms waving in the air as only continentals can do. I assume they went off to check someone else's receipts without another word to me.  Needless to say I never got to see the non-existent receipt for the sunglasses. 

I expect I will be plagued with tax inspectors all year from now on, but what the hell, as long as I do my job properly they can't get me. How I wish I had thought to take a photograph of the illegal transaction taking place though!!

I re-let the sunbeds they were using and yes, before you ask, I DID give a receipt for the re-let !!!

I do love it though when I can get one over on the authorities.

Great stuff Peter. I love them.

“I want a sunbed! I want a sunbed by the water’s edge!! I want a sunbed by the water’s edge, now!!! And if you don’t give me a sunbed by the water’s edge now, I’ll scream and scream and scream until I’m sick…waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” I’m surprised she didn’t demand that you use your magic wand to make the water’s edge move closer to the ‘undesirable’ sunbed, thereby drowning all the undeserving plebeian occupants of the other sunbeds.

As for the tax inspectors, yeah, I bet they will be back again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next… Have you noticed how officious ‘I’m important and you’re nothing’ types often take an inordinate amount of time to do the simplest of tasks, especially if it gives them the opportunity to delude themselves that they exude power, while actually skiving? Tomorrow they’ll be back again but you’ll be safe because they’ll be ‘working’ on the Hawkers ‘of African origin’, and they can’t do more than one thing at a time: that would be far too efficient.

Wonderful. We had a comedy moment this morning too. Two local councillors and two officials came to explain the difficulties of sorting the poor parking caused by a combination of a local railway station, a doctor's surgery and the introduction of pay and display at a local pub car park. Whilst they were pontificating a local warden came and slapped two fixed penalty tickets on the councillors cars, on the pub car park. The officials had wisely parked on the road. (making the parking problem even worse) You couldn't make up these stories could you!  o) rz;

Davie  8)

Wonderful stories Peter, love them! Is it always like that on a Greek beach, or just yours? More please!

An Idiot Abroad?

I was reminded by someone yesterday that I should post this little anecdote on the forum as it brought a smile when I first related it to her. 

I was wandering around the beach the other week, ensuring that all the occupied sunbeds had been paid for when I spotted a group of tourists approaching my area.  They looked as if they had already been to the other end of the beach where the sunbeds are over four times the price of mine – 50 euro for two but you do get a free towel and a small bottle of water!!!!!!!!!!! - The man spotted me and came over.  I won't give his nationality for fear of tarring all from that country with the same brush.

“Are you in charge of the loungers?” he asked in with a drawl.  “How much?”

I gave him my usual spiel.  “It's 12 euros for the two beds and an umbrella.  The sun, sea and sand are free.  We have toilets and showers up there.”  I pointed in the direction of the loos.  I looked around the group, there were six of them.  “So with six of you that will be three times 12, but if you only need a couple of umbrellas I can do three beds under one umbrella for 16 euros.”  (I hope you are all doing your maths)

The guy thought for a moment.  “12 is a bit steep when there are six of us.  Will you do a special rate as we are a group?”

“It's 12 for the two, not each,” I explained.

“Still steep – do me a deal on the lot.  We've only arrived yesterday and will be using your place all week.”

I looked at him, thinking I had already offered him a solution to save 4 euros.  Not a fortune I suppose, but if they were here for a week and used my section daily, its a saving of 28 euros.

“Well, normally for one person under an umbrella I charge eight,” (four for the bed and four for the umbrella)  “I suppose as there are six of you I could do it for seven euros per person.” I said jokingly, expecting the guy to laugh.

“That's great!  Thanks very much for that.  Can we have those three umbrellas and six beds there?”  He pointed to three sets next to each other on the second row.  “That's 42 altogether then!”  He produced a 50 from his pocket and passed it over.

“No,” I said, “if you want those three its 12 per set as I said in the first place.”

“But you said we could have them for seven per person.”

I shook my head in amazement and had to explain to him to him in simple language that if he wanted to pay me seven each it would actually cost him more than it would to pay the 12 for two people.  (Is it me that's thick or just people with an American accent? (Ooooooop!))  He looked at me as if I was trying to cheat him before the penny finally dropped.  I gave him his 14 euro change (and three receipts) and left them to sort themselves out.  When I walked back to that area a short while later, I noticed they had moved the loungers so that all six were under just two umbrellas as I first suggested they did leaving the third one free.

Needless to say, I placed two spare beds under that one and re-let it!

Ha, ha!  🙂

I’m thinking of coming to Greece to open up a rival operation, but I’m not going to charge a mere €4 per item of furniture. I’ve been practicing my spiel.

“Role up, role up! Buy one get one free!! Best beach furniture hire bargain in Greece!!! Normally €16 per person, but now only €16 for TWO people with our fantastic buy one get one FREE deal. And it gets better! Everyone gets a bed!! Everyone gets an umbrella!!! And it gets even better! Free lawful receipt for all*!! Free water for all†!!!”
*One receipt per transaction: unit (one bed + one umbrella) price €16; only needs to be itemised if this is requested by customer
†Pay African hawkers a derisory amount to fill bottles from shower
Note to self: Remember to return to collect surplus umbrellas for rehire

Sorted. That’s €48 from that group of people with American accents (but, of course, presumably not Americans).

I bet you're really scared.  😉

Costas and the Well.

Katya's post describing how she would send the beach vendors to fill water bottles from the shower actually reminded me of a monologue I wrote a few years ago describing the digging of the well to get water to the showers on the beach and I thought I would share it here.  It is very loosely based on the old Stanley Holloway monologue “The Battle of Hastings.”  Whilst it might sound a bit comical, it is virtually what happened and in the way it happened in 2011

I suppose before starting it is important to set the scene a little bit.  The restaurant sits virtually on a beach called Psarou, probably about three or perhaps four metres above the tideline and 20 metres from the water's edge.  Costas and Petrula are joint owners of the place, and whilst they are lovely people, and will do anything to help anyone, they are very money conscious and will spend a pound to save a penny.  Costas thinks he is the boss, Petrula lets him think he is the boss but Mother-in-law is the matriarch of the family and her word is law!  Like most Greeks, Costas never has his mobile phone out of his hand and is lost without it. To remove his mobile would be like amputating his arms.

Right the scene is set.  I hope the following brings a smile to a few faces

Costas and the Well.  Peter Bolton - 2011

Now I'll tell of the digging at Psarou
As happened in t'winter gone by
While Costas was sat there just musing
As he chomped on his Mother in law's pie

It were this way, one day last October
Petrula, who were always a swell
Says to her husband and mother
“I think we could do with a well!”

We pay so much money for t'water
And tourist ne'er turn off the shower
I watch as the water things running
And its costing us euros by th'hour

“We could put it in t' car park,” says mother
“There's water of that I've no fear
And then run a pipe to the showers”
Says Costas, “Now there's an idea.”

So he picks up his mobile right sharpish
To get for himself a few quotes
And as people told him what cost was
Him and Petrula cast votes.

So he called for his mate who's a dowser
And says “Can you find me a stream?”
“Yes,” he replies “but I'll charge you”
Says Costas, “You're having a dream.”

So Michalis he brought down his sticks
And after drinking five litres of beer
Started staggering about on the car park
And then stopped, and he told him, “It's here.”

“My sticks have crossed over,” he told him
Pushing a twig in the ground
To mark the place of the water
Michalis the dowser had found.

So Costas he calls for a digger
And says “Can you dig me an 'ole?”
“Aye,” he replies, just thinking
“And if I can't, I'll borrow a mole.”

They agreed he'd come round next Monday
Providing the weather were fine
“I'll be there just after eight thirty”
That's eleven, Greek Maybe Time

So t'digger turned up as he promised
And after the digger had dugged
And gone through the ground for five metres
He stopped, and he looked, and he shrugged.

“Are you sure that its this spot?” says Costas
As he shouted at Dowser on t'phone
“We've found lots of rocks and some boulders
But the ground is as dry as a bone!”

“Keep digging,” says dowser to Costas
“I'm sure that my sticks do not lie
And if there's no water in that place
Dig deeper, just give it a try.”

Now mother arrived during digging
He mouth full of bread and some wine
She looked right at digger and told him
“It's a well that I want not a mine!”

With this driver rose, cool but haughty
And said, “Give us none of your cheek
I'm looking for t'water as told to
I'll find it by middle o' t'week.”

On hearing this here defiance
Her face it turned purple and blue
And she shouted some rude words t' digger
To which digger answered - “And You!”

So they dug, and the hole it got deeper
And the mountains around it they grew
And digger were getting frustrated
So he called for a new blinking crew.

And boss he arrived wi' new diggers
And he looked down the hole in the ground
And he shook his head in amazement
Cos as yet no water was found.

So driver re-started his engine
And scooped out even more soil
And mountains they grew even taller
Till you couldn't see car park for spoil.

And after another two metres
A dribble of water was spied
“We've found it.” yelled Costas elated
“I knew t'were just time we'd t' bide.

The water, it just kept on rising
All muddy and dirty and brown
And one chap he slipped down the mountain
And near fell in t'water to drown

And as mother looked into the water
Her face it lit up with delight
“We can have showers running all summer”
To which Costas answered “Your right!”

She started a dance on the hill top
And clapped her hands as in glee
And then fell flat on her bottom
Her bloomers on show so to see

“I'll bring you the rings in the morning.”
Said the boss as he gathered his men
“And if we're not here at eight thirty
I know we'll be here about ten.”

So Tuesday arrived bright and breezy
And the rings they arrived about ten
And after a beer and a coffee
The men started working again

The first ring was soon off the wagon
And lowered down th'ole into place
And as mother saw what were happening
A big smile came over her face

Her mind it began turning over
As she thought of the money they'd save
Using their water and not that of council's
As more water rushed into the cave

“Lower it down right gently,”
As on th'ill Costas took up his stand
With his beers and his charts all around him
In his boots, with his phone, in his hand

So rings went down one after t'other
Until in their place were all eight
And water kept rising up column
all muddy and brown but not reight

“We'd best let it stand for a few days,”
Said boss in authorative voice
“Cos once we put lid ont' column
Its done and tha's no bloomin choice!”

So just as the light it were fading
The boss left with all of his band
Leaving Costas alone on the hilltop
In his boots, with his phone, in his hand.

For a full week they allowed it to settle
And each day Costas looked into th'ole
But water it still stayed right muddy
And it tasted right nasty an' all

And on the fifth day of his watchin'
He heard from the hole a strange tone
He knew not what it was in the first place
Then realised he'd dropped in his phone

It rang and it rang as he stood there
As he wrung his hands in despair
Wondering who it were calling
Cos without it he felt almost bare

He tried what he could to retrieve it
But his efforts, they were all in vain
His phone were in t'well forever
Ne'er to be seen, used again

Then next Tuesday they all reassembled
For t'well to receive its new hat
And digger it shifted the mountain
And left Costas' car park near flat

But the work was not over – far from it
Cos a pump and some pipes were required
To take water from t'well to the shower
And the secondary work place outside

So Costas he sends for a plumber
And said what job he were to do
Plumber says “Okay, at nine the next morning,”
But when he arrived it were two

As Costas said what he wanted
The plumber he tutted and blew
And jotted some figures on paper
“One thousand, five hundred and two!”

They argued the price for an hour
With both of them drinking a beer
And they finally agreed what the fee was
But Costas still thought it were dear

And work took three days for the plumber
One day to lay piping and wire
And another just to put pump in
With a third sat drinking round t'fire

And then, on the Saturday morning
The first of the water flowed free
And Costas he drank his first glassfull
The swore, it wern't water, 'twere sea!

“Its cost me nine thousand plus euros”
He wailed with his head in his hand
“I could have thrown pump in th'Aegean
And run a pipe up under the sand!”

And so 'Trula's well, it were finished
And mountains were flattened and sound
And the rocks and the boulders re-burried
In what was the 'ole in the ground.

So work were all over and paid for
After near three weeks of sheer hell
Leaving Costas alone on the car park
In his boot, with his phone, in the well!

It sounds comical, but in actual fact its is entirely based on that actual happenings.  What you have to remember is that the restaurant's car park is about four meters higher than the sea, and whilst there was an underground stream running into it, once the hole was dug seven or eight metres deep it was below sea level, the pressure of the water from the sea overcame the dribble of the stream and the sea began flowing into the well which was a few metres deeper than sea level, hence the salt water.

The good news is, since the well was dug, it's saved a fortune on salt as when they boil potatoes or vegetables for the restaurant, they use water from the outside secondary workplace.

Why can't everyone talk proper English like wot i does?

I was sat contemplating on the beach today when i was approached by a long legged Latino lady.
"Italiano?" she asked. 
I shook my head and continued with what i was doing.
"Ingleash?" she asked expectantly.
"Yes i speak English," I said as my eyes traveled slowly up legs that almost reached to her armpits, staying a litte longer than necessary on the turquoise triangle at the top of her thighs before continuing upwards and straying too long on the two small triangles 2/3 of the way up her torso.  My eyes eventually reached long dark wavy hair dropping down over her shoulders and her face.  She smiled.
"You hav a wifey?"
I shook my head sadly.  "No," I replied, "she died a few years ago."
"is not mended?" she asked expectantly.
"No, as i said, my wife is dead."
"But i need to contact my mama. how i do that if you have no a wifey?"
I shrugged, wondering how my late wife would assist this Latin beauty to contact her mother. Seance? Ouegi board?
"When she be mended?"
"She won't be mended, she is dead!"
"But i need to contact my mama and need wifey!" she said, shaking her mobile phone in my face.
THE EURO DROPPED!
"I'm sorry," I said. "The wi-fi is down at the moment and i'm not sure when it will be up again.  I'm waiting for the engineer to come to mend it!"
Oh why can't all people speak proper English like wot i does?