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Our first time as a couple

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Elbert
(@evangelion)
Posts: 246
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

A short while ago my partner Wendy and myself visited a landed club (which I will not name). It was to be our first experience outside the home and Wendy seemed fairly comfortable with it although I was a little apprehensive as we chaps inevitably are! I must admit to being a bit nervous as we left the car and began the walk to where the club was situated.
Anyway we found the place, and were let in, shown round and had some of the ins and outs explained to us, after which we were left to our own devices so we found a secluded area of grass to prepare.
I was a bit peeved actually! In seconds Wendy was naked and I hadn’t even started to undress! I’d hoped we’d go together, never mind I forgave her and quickly followed. We then spent an extremely pleasant 3 hours exploring, sunbathing, floating around in the pool and chatting to the other naturists, including one couple who like us were first-timers.
So it was a nice afternoon.
So why am I not mentioning the name of the club? Well because there was one person who made us feel less welcome than the others – the club secretary whom we found officious and more than a little standoffish.
Reading between the lines he seemed to have a problem with Wendy; now let me say from the start that Wendy is a strikingly attractive woman with a heart of gold and I love her to bits but she is a little unconventional in that it is perhaps somewhat unusual for a lady in her forties to be a bit of a goth and a rock chick. So she has the rock curls, a couple of (subtle) piercings and (small) tattoos, and is shaved (as am I). But she does have a posh speaking voice! She is also a people person and is able to converse confidently with anyone even if she’s never met them before – unlike me; I’m slightly more reserved especially with new acquaintances.
I always thought naturists were supposed to be non-judgemental but at both the beginning and end of our visit, this person dropped rather heavy hints that we had rubbed him up the wrong way.
My opinion afterwards was that if we tried to join we might not be accepted and Wendy’s reply to this was that she wasn’t sure she would want to be.

Steve.

God give me patience ... but I want it NOW!!My YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/steveteb/videos

 
Posted : September 3, 2013 10:55 am
Taddiford Swimmer
(@taddiford_naturist)
Posts: 63
Trusted Member
 

Steve, I think what you have described there is exactly what is wrong with "club naturism" and why it holds no future for naturism. It's just the nature of any club, be it sailing club or naturist club, that their is judgement, hierarchy, and politics.

The future for naturism is free beaches, naked cycling, free walking, free of charge facebook groups and a great site like this one. 

It's great that your partner joined you, she would love places like Studland where open free naturism takes place in the natural environment. Try and find your nearest free beach and begin to enjoy naturism to the full.

TS

 
Posted : September 3, 2013 12:29 pm
Davie
(@nakeddavie)
Posts: 1398
Noble Member
 

Every clubs primary duties are to attract new members and protect the interests of existing ones. New blood is vital but a conflict may occur between acceptance or non-acceptance of new comers and protecting the interests of the current membership.

I too have had a difficult experience with a club when all three officers of a club enquired if my wife was really going to be a naturist. The truth was not on that day as she was a bit off colour but she was and is, now serving on a committee. As a result this lovely club lost two potential members. And why? Because the committee actually asked the right questions in the wrong way.

We've since visited quite a few clubs and been asked to join one. We haven't solely due to the distance involved. All clubs have some politics and undercurrents. What is fundamentally important is club members and in particular, club officers act in a sympathetic and understanding way. A lot of these people give a lot to their club in terms of time and commitment and I can understand why they become defensive, but that is no excuse for being rude and in the longer term counter-productive.

Every new  single coming through the gate should been seen as a potential family and every couple (and single) a potential committed member who will serve the club to ultimately hand over to the next generation.

Davie  8)

 
Posted : September 3, 2013 1:08 pm
RodB
 RodB
(@rodb)
Posts: 486
Reputable Member
 

Very sad to read this, and if naturism has a future our landed clubs have a duty to attract members, otherwise the average age will continue o rise and sooner or later the last ones will be left to "turn out the lights and go home" for good. Members clubs are run by committees and problems do happen as a result of a lack of professionalism, but we are lucky with our own club, but maybe, just maybe the future lies in commercial clubs in which the members are not expected to dig trenches and fell trees. Some love to do these things, others like to chill out after a hard working or stressful time outside the club. I have some skills but few which are of any use / interest to our club, but we love it anyway.

R.B.

 
Posted : September 3, 2013 7:07 pm
Christopher
(@chris51)
Posts: 18
Active Member
 

How was it left ? Are you going back?

A second visit might be an opportunity to speak directly - though in a friendly way - to the committee member concerned and clear the air. Some people do have an off-putting manner on first meeting them but your opinion changes when you get to know them better. That could work both ways!

There is a lot to recommend club life as they are safe. Those big green gates and high hedges keep out prying eyes and there is no risk of you causing 'alarm and distress' to any passing prude or bigot. Usually, they are beautiful - the work of many generations of naturists past and present who have laid the lawns, planted and pruned the bushes and trees adapted or built, painted and decorated the club house and so on. Personally I feel an obligation to continue that tradition.

Living in the area I do, I had a choice between a members club and a privately-managed club and I chose the members club. Working at the weekends in teams with other members some of whom I have not met or spoken to before is a great  way to break the ice and there is so much to do. Employing people to do all those things takes away the social aspect of work and of course affects the fee structure.

Anyway, your choice but I wonder if you are not reading too much into the situation. If you like the club, why not give it another try?

 
Posted : September 4, 2013 12:32 pm
emesty
(@emesty)
Posts: 585
Honorable Member
 

What a sorry tale.  Unfortunately this sort of thing can happen when Mr Jobsworth is given his head.  I only represent a swim but I can say with hand on heart that we do not make our newbies unwelcome.  We do not ask for ID, which actually proves nothing, and one of the committee will show the newcommer round and make sure that they are OK.  We do have a reputation for being a very friendly club and we jealously safeguard that reputation.  I realise that many other clubs take the same line as us, so please take heart, Elbert, we don't all have dragons on the gate.  M

M
.I was born naked, what's your excuse?

 
Posted : September 4, 2013 5:15 pm
John Gw
(@gwalterj)
Posts: 3395
Member
 

Unfortunately there is one in every crowd and they have an unfortunate propensity to get onto committees. This is true of any club type organisation, not just naturist ones.
The really unfortunate part of it is that they seem to have a greater than usual power to obstruct potential new members as I know to my cost when I was piggy in the middle of a dispute involving a "no more single men" faction on the committee.

JOhn
Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
George Bernard Shaw, Maxims for Revolutionaries

 
Posted : September 4, 2013 5:25 pm
RodB
 RodB
(@rodb)
Posts: 486
Reputable Member
 

Good points John. Clubs are prone to be insular and liable to contain cliques. As a keen photographer I joined to camera clubs a long time ago, and left both feeling very much the outsider, being younger and have never thought about joining another. Times have, like me changed, so perhaps I should visit another photography club, but probably I might well not. I love my photography still, even if I plough a lone furrow.

We do belong to two naturist clubs, and feel lucky in so far as the members in both are friendly and we just feel at home in both places. Naturism can be enjoyed in seclusion but the social aspects are just wonderful, meeting like minded people. So, to the answer the original point, I would try another club, if one is within easy reach.

R.B.

 
Posted : September 4, 2013 11:46 pm
Elbert
(@evangelion)
Posts: 246
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

Hello again everyone and thank you for your supportive and useful replies.
To answer RodB's most recent query, I have looked up other clubs and this would appear to be the only one within easy reach.

For that reason (to answer your earlier question Rod) we do intend to go back and attend a few more open days at this club. After all, we didn't have any problems with any of the actual members, all of whom seemed like really nice people, friendly and ready to chat.

And in the meantime you'll probably see us at the Abbey House Gardens Clothes Optional Day on the 22nd!

Steve.

God give me patience ... but I want it NOW!!My YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/steveteb/videos

 
Posted : September 5, 2013 8:56 am
RodB
 RodB
(@rodb)
Posts: 486
Reputable Member
 

Going back to the club is a good idea and I truly hope that you are soon spending a lot of time there, but the seasons, they are "a changing" and the air will very soon cool. We have never been to the Abbey House Gardens but know quite a few who do and they love it. I'd fancy an over night stay, given the distance between here and there.   

R.B.

 
Posted : September 5, 2013 4:30 pm
Frenchy
(@hp1)
Posts: 161
Estimable Member
 

Definitely give the club another go. Even if you still don't take to this chap he is only one amongst many there, so there will be plenty of others to befriend.

 
Posted : September 5, 2013 5:24 pm
melbourne
(@tiger_moth)
Posts: 79
Trusted Member
 

I can't give you any more advice than that has been posted, try it again it's only one person. There are lots of theirs who will become good friends. My nearest club in nearly 1 hour away, so distance can be a problem (especially the price of petrol) but try it, it's worth it to enlarge your Naturist friends.

 
Posted : September 5, 2013 9:53 pm